please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
