dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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