i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
