did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
