my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
