Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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