Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
