yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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