I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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