Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
