It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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