just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
