I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
nutella sex= disaster
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
ok first of all what the fuck
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
