you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
