Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
