I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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