I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
