I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
