its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
