God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my shit smells like andre
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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