nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
cat food counts as protein by the way
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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