either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
