i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
