and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
