i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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