and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
