Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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