Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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