Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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