mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
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Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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