so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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