____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
