I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
wanna go halves on a baby?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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