i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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