If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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