Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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