last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
