Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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