So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
