i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
