I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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