We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
