guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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