I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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