Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
