dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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