Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
