HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
