i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
