I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
