I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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