I have demons in me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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