Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
