One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
