He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize