Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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