If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
