you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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