Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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