she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
