Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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