She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did i walk over a car last night?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
