battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
