Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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