a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
