I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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