Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
